Letting Go of a Goal
A gourmet chocolatier. A jewelry designer. A bookseller. A cookbook writer. A portrait photographer. What if I told you that at one point in my life, I was all of these things? I am the dreamer of big dreams. There are also a handful of other aspirations I've had where I've tucked away little to-do lists for each, hoping that one day, I'd be able to check that particular dream off my list as accomplished.
The trouble is, I haven't quite gotten around to most of them. It isn't because I didn't have a good plan or didn't break my plan up into manageable goals. I love setting goals to attain my dreams. In fact, my monthly and weekly goals were littered with tasks that meant nothing to me anymore, because they weren't in line with my dreams. As time goes on and we grow and change in life, we sometimes grow away from the things we had been passionate about in the past.
This is where I struggle. I don't like giving up and I hate disappointing myself or others, so when it comes to deciding when it's time to let go of those goals, I felt like a failure and would inevitably sit in denial, promising myself that I'll accomplish those goals, even if they weren't something that excited me anymore.
If you have trouble with this too, I'm going to tell you something that I wish someone had told me twenty years ago. You are allowed to let go of a goal. You are allowed to admit that you no longer have that dream. Throughout your life, your passions will change and some of the dreams you wanted to chase years ago will not interest you today. You don't have to continue pursuing something that doesn't bring you joy anymore. You have permission to let go.
There are a few factors to think about when deciding if it's time to let go of a goal.
Know yourself and what you truly want. It's important to learn what you really want to pursue and what is something that is only a nice idea to think about, but not anything you want to achieve in your life. This is not always an easy task and sometimes it requires some soul-searching, but you'll learn a lot about yourself in this process.
Be realistic about what you actually have time for. You have to be honest (sometimes brutally so) about what you can accomplish in the time you have available. There are only twenty-four hours in a day and unless you plan to quit your job or set your family aside to chase a dream, you'll have limited time to make that dream a reality.
Do a little dream mapping. When you have narrowed down the list of dreams you know in your heart that you need to pursue, do a little planning session and map out the goals you need to meet weekly, monthly, and yearly to make that dream happen. This will help you better understand what your time commitment will be.
Understand the difference between big goals and small goals. When you look at the list of goals you want to accomplish in any given period of time, there will probably be big goals (things you want to do in the next five or ten years,) and there will be small goals (things you want to do this week or month.) You'll find that there are things in each column that you might need to cut. Look at each goal individually to decide if it's in line with the dreams you have for your life right now.
Give yourself permission to let go. Now it's time to open the cage door and let that goal or dream be free. Don't guilt yourself into holding on longer than you need to. Admit that this goal is no longer serving your purpose and give yourself permission to let it go.
Just two short years ago, I was developing recipes for my cookbook. I had all the details laid out, including the title, theme, and what my cover design would look like. I had lists of recipe ideas that I wanted to work on creating and testing. I was on track to being a published cookbook author. But once I got into the actual work of it, I realized that my passion for cooking was not something that translated into a five-year plan.
I find the most joy in cooking for the people I love. When I had daily, weekly, and monthly lists of tasks that I had to accomplish to get this cookbook together, it became more about work and less about joy. After having a few hard conversations with myself, I realized that writing a cookbook wasn't something I was interested in doing anymore. I love cooking and always will, but I wanted to do it to show people I care about them, not because it's a task on my to-do list.
It felt both strange and freeing when I deleted from my computer the spreadsheets of recipes and ingredients, the mock-up of my cover, and erased this goal from the pages of my planner. I no longer looked at it as quitting. I no longer felt guilty for chasing after something that didn't bring me joy. I was at peace with the idea that I was letting go.
