What I Learned | Summer 2018

Once again, it's time to join Emily Freeman in sharing what we learned this season. It's not been an easy summer, but there are many lessons to be learned, even when the going is tough. I don't know if it's because I'm older or busier, but the seasons seem to be whipping by at lightning speed. I have to keep a little note on my phone to keep track of these little lessons as the weeks go by, and this practice has served as a reminder of all the things I have to be grateful for, hard lessons included.

Here's what I learned this summer.

My body is telling me it's time to go vegan.

For the last three months, I've done my best to avoid all animal protein. I've been a vegetarian since I was twelve, but still consumed dairy. I love cheese, so giving it up has been difficult, but I feel so much better when I do. My skin is clearer. I don't struggle with bloating as much as before, and my digestive system is a lot happier. My battle will always be turning down a nice wedge of smoked gouda or aged extra-sharp cheddar, so if you have recommendations for good vegan cheese, hit me up.

The people going out always have a lot more respect than the people coming in.

I did a binge of The West Wing this summer and I had an epiphany toward the end of the series when they were transitioning from one administration to the next. The staffers who were packing up their boxes of personal belongings and strolling through the halls of the White House were leaving with a reverence for the place, the people in it, and what happened while they were there. Those who were coming in, jostling about and bumping into people, didn't seem to have the same respect for any of it. I thought long and hard on this and realized that only experience can bring this kind of appreciation and it rings true for all stages of life - leaving school, selling a first home or car, or transitioning out of a beloved job.

I retain more information when I hear it spoken rather than reading it.
As a side effect of the adrenal failure, my eyes are crap and have been getting worse lately. To save them from straining too much, I've been using an e-reader to listen to blog posts, articles, and long emails and I've discovered something that shouldn't have been so surprising. I retain so much information when I hear it. I am a fast reader and sometimes don't absorb the content when I'm skimming through visually. This is something I've known because I listen to so many audiobooks and often prefer them to physical ones, but I haven't acknowledged it until now.

I am capable of way more than I give myself credit for.
I've always been guilty of talking down to myself and believing it. Why is it that we are our own worst critics? Anyway, at the beginning of the summer, I decided that I was going to stretch myself a little and try some things I thought were beyond my limit. Guess what? I crushed it. I've spent so much time placing those limits on what I was able to do but I am capable of so much more. I wish there was a switch that I could flip and turn off the negative self-talk, but it will likely always be a struggle. I will, however, continue to push myself and continue expanding my limits.

I can survive (even thrive) without social media.
Several weeks ago, I deleted Facebook and Instagram. The first few days, I picked up my phone to scroll a lot, only to remember that there was nothing to scroll. I've been doing tech-free days once a week this year, but have struggled with FOMO so much. Something about actually deactivating the accounts and deleting the apps has taken away the temptation to peek has done wonders. I'm actually enjoying looking at my phone and not have a bazillion notifications to sort through. Although I do miss a lot of my friends, some of my closest companions have reached out to me off social media, which has been nice. I'll probably get back on both apps soon, but now I know I can survive without constantly checking in.

Sometimes, the right books find you at the right time.
There isn't much to say about this one, but there must be some celestial book lord out there who nudges certain reads in my direction just when I'll be needing them. A few of these books have been on my bookshelf for years, and for some reason, I decided to pick them up and give them a go. Others have been new releases. They all have been just what my heart needed to hear.

I need to trust my instincts more than other people.
I've always had killer instincts, but unlike the self-talk bit above, I don't always listen to them. There have been several times (most recently, this summer) where someone has told me things and they sounded so sincere, but I have a gut feeling that something was not right. When all is said and done, it turns out my instincts were spot on and I could have saved myself a lot of emotional pain had I trusted myself instead of someone else. The new motto is, in some cases, my trust will have to be earned instead of given for free. Sad, but not everyone values honesty these days.

Forgiveness isn't easy.
Sometimes you have to move mountains to come to a place of forgiveness. It isn't as easy as accepting someone's apology and moving forward, and often the hard work comes long after the apology is proffered. In this case, three years later, in the middle of the night, I sat in front of my keyboard and cried my eyes out as I wrote out a letter to my ex-husband. All the years of pain and anger and unanswered questions came pouring forth onto the pages, and after the final punctuation mark, I found peace. It is over and I can finally move on.