What I Learned | Fall 2017

It's that time of the year where we meet up over at Emily Freeman's place and share the things we've learned this season. I've joined in on these fun seasonal prompts a few times now and I'm amazed at how much insight I've gained into myself, just by recognizing the lessons I've learned over the course of a few months.

Here's what I learned this fall:

Making progress in baby steps is better than making no progress at all.

I've been documenting my progress on some personal goals that I've set for myself this year and each month, I get discouraged when I haven't made much of an impact on the big picture. I'm looking for movement in leaps and bounds instead of that slow, steady forward progression. Now that we're at the end of the year, I'm looking back at these goals and realizing how far I've actually come.

My cat snores louder than most humans I know.

At the end of the summer, I had to say goodbye to the older of my two cats and since then, the other one has moved his bed to the floor next to my own. I had not noticed, until this change, that he is quite the log sawer in the middle of the night. He wakes himself up and looks at me like I was the one creating the disturbance. It's been the source of many midnight laughs around here.

People who want to be in your life will make an effort.

You should not ever have to convince, coerce, or beg someone to be a part of your life. If they think you are worth it, they will make the effort. If they don't, they weren't good enough to be a part of it in the first place. Let them go. And do not chase them out the door.

Your body hears everything your mind says.

This season, I've been playing a little game. Rather than beating myself up with a lot of negative self-talk, shame, and self-loathing, as has been the case for a good portion of my teen and adult life, I've been trying something different. I've been practicing mindfulness and self-compassion instead. Not only am I not hating myself, but my body is also responding differently. I'm talking about weight loss without needing to try super hard and fewer chronic symptoms that I've battled for years.

It's ok to let go of something that is no longer bringing you happiness.

I've been carrying a burden around with me for quite a while. This thing used to make me happy but it doesn't anymore and I've been afraid to let it go because I couldn't imagine my life without it. Well, I did let it go and even though I'm sad about it, life has continued in its absence. This is all just to say that sometimes hanging on to "what could have been" but wasn't, is harder than letting it go.

Letting go of things does not mean you have to let go of the memories you hold of them.

Always the minimalist, I've been going through my keepsake box and pondering the idea of tossing some stuff from days gone by. My reasoning for not having done so yet is that each of these items holds some sentimental place in my heart and represents a memory I have, both good and bad. Then I was reading The More of Less by Joshua Becker, in which he shares the idea that getting rid of an object isn't going to delete the memory it represented. Major aha! moment.

Mexican food will always cheer me up, even on the no good, very bad, horrible days.

There is absolutely nothing that a big burrito, some queso and chips, or a taco can't make a little better. Nothing.

I don't need someone else to validate my worth or prove that I am someone. I am enough on my own.

I was raised in a household where the girls' primary goal was to find a husband. I was the only girl in my group of friends from high school that didn't get married within a year of graduating. I was shamed for walking away from my college boyfriend because he would have made a good husband. I was pressured into getting married at the age of twenty-five when I had doubts about going through with it. I believed for the longest time that my worth was dependent on the man I had by my side. Today, I am finally beginning to believe that I am enough on my own. Thank you, therapy.

Sometimes, you just need to act like a kid and break out the playdough and finger paints.

This week, I got to spend several days with my nephew. He will be three in February. It is only when you are with a child that you realize how amazing it feels to be carefree, even if only for a little while. Watching his imagination open up when I set a fresh lump of homemade green playdough and a stack of cookie cutters in front of him. Seeing his creativity blossom while he painted on a piece of white cardstock with some watercolors. Hearing his laughter and pure joy as I pushed him higher and higher on the swings out back. I got a glimpse of what it's like to live in the moment, without a care in the world.

You will not always get answers to the questions burning inside you.

This is still a tough one for me. I am a woman who needs closure. I need everything to be wrapped up in a pretty bow at the end. I hated the Lost series finale. I want answers and this season I learned that sometimes you aren't going to get them, and you can kick and scream but it won't make a difference. So, while I'm still wrapping my head around this lesson and trying to decide if it's better to play Sherlock Holmes and find my own answers or just make up stuff to believe, I am attempting to make peace with the idea that my Qs won't ever have their As.