Dear 2021 | A Letter of Reflection

Dear 2021,

It’s that time again, time to look back over the last twelve months, do some reflecting, and then close your chapter of my life. I wasn’t expecting you to be a good year. We’re still in a pandemic, after all. But midway through, there was a shift. Vaccines were received, I crossed a pretty scary bridge in my personal life, my heart found a home, and things started looking a little brighter.

You were the year that I found love, the year that I felt my heart come to life again after a long, cold, and dark decade. I’d honestly put this little hope of mine away in the “never gonna happen” file. There were just too many heartbreaks for this girl who loves hard and wears her heart on her sleeve, too many to go through it again. But this one person crossed the alligator-filled moat and scaled the wall that I built around my heart. He did so without breaking a sweat and it opened my eyes to the fact that maybe I’m not as unloveable as I thought I was.

You were the year I found my reading wheelhouse and realized that I’m not into a lot of the trendy novels that flood bookstore shelves and the interwebs on a weekly basis. The year when I learned that it’s okay to have my own tastes in reading and to stand behind what I enjoy and don’t enjoy. I am forever a student of life, and, not surprisingly, I prefer books that teach me something - a new topic or a new perspective. You were also the year when I grew more comfortable setting aside a book that wasn’t interesting to me rather than forcing my way to the end. This has been a lifelong struggle and I’m glad that I can finally find some freedom in my reading life.

You were the year of letting go of the things I thought I wanted, of noticing that I was holding onto something or someone because I was told that I should or in the spirit of loyalty. Nothing, absolutely nothing is worth my sense of self, and it is okay to let go of what is no longer in line with my path.

You were also the year that I learned to love myself a little more, that I began to see myself through someone else’s eyes and understand that I am more than the flaws that are always more prominent in my own reflection. I’m still not fully on the self-love wagon, but the new year will bring more work in this area, and I hope, a lot of growth as well.

You were the year that I let my travel bug out, the year that I took a big chance, got on a plane, and went to a place that has been a dream for so very long. Was it stressful traveling during a pandemic? Yes. But I took every precaution that I could, and getting out of my comfort zone was a good exercise in exposure therapy. As a Sagittarius, I am a wanderer at heart, but I haven’t had the opportunity to explore much of the world. Now, I look forward to a lot more exploration in the future.

You were the year that I gathered inspiration from mentors who are also struggling with the productivity itch. You were the year that flipped my schedule and self-imposed responsibilities upside down, with a major injury, several months of physical therapy, partial vision loss, and subsequent eye surgery, and then meeting someone with whom I wanted to share all my free time. I went from having a full work week last year to barely being able to sit in front of my computer in this one, and finding some work-life balance was challenging. But a lot of the great writers of my time have been expressing the same sentiment. The pandemic alone has caused them to lose their writing mojo, and hearing them talk about the struggle has been helpful in my own battle with perfectionism.

I didn’t expect you to be a good year, but you ended up being pretty damn nice, aside from the global Covid crisis, that is. While I’m glad to turn the page into a new chapter of my life, I will look back on you fondly.

Here’s to a healthy, happy, and more balanced new year.

Cheers