Dear 2018 | A Letter of Reflection
"Never go in search of love. Go in search of life, and life will find you the love you seek." - Atticus
Dear 2018,
It's that time of year again. Time to reflect on all we've been through before I close your chapter and prepare to write the next one. You've been quite a year, indeed.
Every December, I find myself writing these letters thinking that the next one will be easier to write. That there will be more excitement to share. That my life will have somehow drastically changed and I'll be on course for some great adventure. The truth is, I find myself right back where I was last year, and putting on the same shoes that I wore the year before.
You have been a learning experience. You taught me so many things, some that were good and some that dropped me to my knees in grief. One of the hardest lessons I've had to learn is how much of my self-worth I put into the hands of others. I've allowed someone else to have emotional power over me - something I swore I would never do again after finalizing my divorce. I've learned that I give too much of myself to people who don't have any intentions of giving back.
It's not been easy to come to terms with this particular flaw in my design. While it may not seem like a bad thing, I've always let people in easily, but I always seem to get burned. I am learning to be more cautious and build more boundaries, and although this is a gradual process, it is not one that I will take lightly anymore.
You were the year I had to step away from all commitments and try to catch my breath. I had lost my voice, my vision, my direction... even my light. When all seemed hopeless, it was my family and close friends who carried me through the darkness. I am so grateful and could never repay them for walking with me through one of the most difficult times of my life.
One of the best lessons I learned was that sometimes, all the nos will point me back to the one yes I needed to hear. That yes was my own. Yes to life. Yes to hope. Yes to believing that something good will come of all the pain. And it can't be a coincidence that the little horoscope box I read this week specifically said that in the new year, I will be the celestial favorite. That the last three years have been tough, but I am finally on the path to good things. Baby, I am taking that and running with it.
Even though you've been a hard year, I'm grateful for all the experiences from which I was able to learn. I'm grateful for the new connections I made and the relationships that deepened. But I am most grateful that I was able to find love in the one place I hadn't been looking for it - in myself.
I am proud of myself for sticking it out. I'm proud of myself for choosing life. I know the new year won't be easy, but I look forward to what's in store.
You were interesting, 2018, but it's time to go.
See ya.
