What I Learned | Winter 2018
The seasons are streaming by faster than I can process them. Yesterday, it felt like the beginning of fall and now the trees are starting to bud and spring is peeking around the corner, teasing us all in the Northern Hemisphere. A change in season means it's also time to share what I learned over the last few months and link up over at Emily's place.
Here's what I learned this winter:
The car goes where the eyes go.
This is a line from my favorite book, The Art of Racing in the Rain. Essentially what it means is that when you are behind the wheel, if you are looking away from the road, your car will soon follow your gaze. This season, I've seen evidence of this theory, first hand, when it comes to my mental health. When I focus on being positive, my mind tends to stay on course, but when I let my mind wander to things that I know will bring me down, my depression and anxiety are able to sneak in a lot faster. This isn't to say that I never have bad days anymore. That isn't the case at all, but there are fewer of them, and given the fact that we are in Seasonal Affective Disorder prime time, I'll take it.
I need to pay attention to premonitions.
I wrote in my journal about dreams I've had recently and have been thinking about them ever since. I have this history of dreaming about very specific events, and within months, these dreams have become reality. Now, I'm not claiming to be psychic or anything, but there seems to be some significance to these occurrences. Almost as if I'm being prepared for things or getting a forewarning ahead of time since my body physically cannot handle stress. For the first time in my life, I had a good premonition. This winter, I saw a very specific person in my dream and over a month later, I met him in real life and he has changed my life in the most amazing way.
I am grateful for revolving doors.
This winter was the end of a pretty long season of loss for me. Over the last several years, I've lost partners, family members, and friends and I'm not referring to them dying. They have chosen to walk out of my life. The simple fact that these people no longer wanted to have a connection with me hurt at first, but then I changed my perspective. I've grown and learned so many new things about myself and I've met and developed close relationships with new people and none of this would have been possible had a door not been opened up by someone who was leaving, giving me the opportunity to reflect on things. Sometimes, instead of being upset about a relationship ending, it's important to be grateful for the revolving doors that keep the stale moving out and the fresh moving in.
My brain functions better when I'm taking good care of myself.
I've come to realize that I am not in my twenties anymore. I am no longer able to stay up all night and function the next day on just a cup of coffee and a smile. I also cannot tolerate a constant barrage of fast food and the crap I ate a decade ago. This might seem obvious to many, but it is a new development for me. It seems that over the past year, my body has decided it wants to act like a senior citizen and revolt when I'm not taking care of myself. My skin screams at me every morning when I'm not hydrated enough. I'm lethargic and moody when I'm not eating whole, fresh food. My brain feels like mush when I don't get a good seven hours of sleep every night. Hello, old age. If you need me, I'll be in the produce aisle with my 64 oz jug of water...
You will find love the moment you take the life jacket off and step over the edge.
I remember thinking to myself as a child that I'd love to go scuba diving and hunt for treasure some day. The only problem was, I was always terrified of taking off my life jacket. Anyone who has spent some time in water knows that life preservers will keep you on the surface and prevent you from diving down and reaching the bottom of the ocean. This is also the story of my love life and that life preserver while keeping me from getting hurt, also kept me from finding the treasure. Until this winter when I shed that life jacket and jumped off the boat with my snorkel... You have to be vulnerable and have an open heart if you want to find your buried treasure.
It does not pay to deep-dive into hashtags that were applicable in my 20's.
Take my word for it. Just because you used to be a raver in your late teens and early twenties and had a grand ol' time back then doesn't mean you can go down the hashtag rabbit hole on Instagram to check out what the scene looks like now. It will only make you feel old. Very old.
