What I Learned | Summer 2023

It’s the end of August and the day of the Super Blue Moon. I’ve been feeling an energetic shift for the last few weeks. It’s been an uncomfortable, itchy sensation, a prickly tag sticking up in the neckline of my shirt. I like to think that I’m good at accepting change, but truly, I suck at it. I’m hyper-sensitive to lunar phases moving from one to the next, and for me, it’s signaled by some emotional heaviness or stagnancy working its way out of my energy field. It’s such a peculiar meeting of science and the supernatural. (The astronomy and astrology lover in me laughed at this today.)

One of the best ways I can deal with the changing of the seasons is by remembering what new little bits and bobs of information I learned in the previous months. I have to shout out the person who first cultivated the community that, so long ago, began sharing what they learned on a quarterly basis, and while she no longer writes these posts, I would not have had the inspiration to do them had it not been for Emily Freeman.

Here’s what I learned this summer.

There is a sensitive and thoughtful way to offer help to a friend with cancer (or any chronic illness, for that matter.)

Earlier this year, author, fellow science nerd, and creative genius, Hank Green announced that he had been diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma, and after beginning his treatment and experiencing the terrible side effects of chemotherapy, he shared this video about what to do (and not to do) for a friend or loved one who is dealing with the sometimes debilitating symptoms of disease or side effects of its treatment. Obviously, each person is unique and how best to be a friend will differ from person to person, but it was nice to have some ideas to keep in the back of my head, should that need arise.

I also related to Hank’s perspective in this video. As someone who has chronic illness/disability, I often struggle to ask for help when I need it, and worse, when a well-meaning loved one asks how they can be of assistance, my mind goes blank and I can’t think of anything to tell them, other than the things I wrote about last year in a piece about showing up for people in need. All this to say, show up for your people. They will appreciate it more than not.

I need to write ideas down immediately, lest I forget them.

I don’t know if it’s my age or that I am juggling too much in my head, but I am forgetting things more than before. I used to be able to use mnemonics or links to remember things. Those aren’t working as well now. I’m having to schedule tasks on my Google calendar to remind me of the housework I need to complete that day. Sadly, I’ve had a few great ideas for things that I wanted to write about, especially ones that come in the wee hours of the night, that have gone missing when I go back to retrieve them from my brain bank. I don’t think it’s early dementia or anything. Perhaps just too many things to remember all at once. But I am back to keeping multiple lists where I write detailed descriptions and timelines for anything I want to remember after the fact. I’ll report back.

Period products haven’t been tested on real blood … or menstruating people have been gaslit for years.

If you go to your local Target, pharmacy, or grocery store, walk through the personal hygiene/period product aisle, you’ll see on each package a little graph that shows the amount of “flow” that particular size of product can handle. Those of us who have uteruses and ovaries are told by doctors and period product advertisers alike how much is an acceptable amount of blood to shed during our cycles. I can attest after spending years on various menstruation-tracking apps and their forums that there are a lot of people who are bleeding way more than what we’ve been told is acceptable.

Come to find out, it’s not us. The absorbency of these products haven’t actually been tested on real, human blood. So many of us have been led to believe that there is something wrong with our bodies because we don’t fit the standards set by the companies who design and manufacture these products and their stupid capacity charts. And don’t get me started on the levels of toxicity in the materials used in standard pads and tampons as well as the costs of these items. It’s nice to see some states cutting the tax on these commodities, but until unhoused and incarcerated menstruating people are able to access them at no charge, these states don’t get credit from me.

Those with a permanent disability can access US National Parks for free.

I spend a lot of time in the National Parks, and I’d enjoy spending more there. I was psyched to learn that because of my chronic illness/disability, I can get a pass that will grant access to all US National Parks and Federal Recreational Lands. What a great benefit!

Butterflies are directly a product of evolution.

I love butterflies. They hold a great significance for my family as the reminder of my deceased brother, but I’ve never pondered much where they came from. Maybe I assumed that there have always been many varieties of these beautiful winged creatures. But it turns out that they are direct descendants of nocturnal moths who had to evolve in order to avoid being eaten by another nocturnal species, bats. Freakin’ bats. If you know, you know.

I need curated chaos in order to be creative.

I’m almost embarrassed to admit this, but I’ve started collecting photos of celebrity office spaces that I find inspiring. I’m not referring to the ultra-organized offices with minimalist desks and chairs, not a file or scrap of paper to be found. I am talking about the ones who have newspaper clippings pinned to the wall, stacks of magazines and books perched precariously on the corner side tables, cups of pens and markers, and files stuffed with papers … you know, the offices that look like great work is accomplished there. My muse is Jenna Lyons, executive creative director at J. Crew and one of the newest NYC housewives. Others who have inspiring work spaces are Austin Kleon, Toby Ziegler of The West Wing, Drew Barrymore, and Carole Radziwill, another alum of housewives.

I’ve started following their lead and spreading my wings in my own office, sticking to the wall mantras and photos and little notes from my love. I must say, I am more inspired in the space that I have ever felt in any area that I’ve designated for work. I lie in bed at night wondering if I should get up and do something in the office. I’m obsessed but it’s working.

I can be a more generous reader.

Sara Hildreth of @fictionmatters wrote this thought-provoking Substack article about DNFing books. She raises the idea that maybe there aren’t bad books, just maybe bad times to read them. Now, I have read some really bad books and it wasn’t me, but I’m open to the idea that I might not be in the right headspace or at the right place in life to read certain stories, and that I can be a more generous reader by setting those books aside until I am in the right place.

We should be doing time with a wide-open heart.

Oy. This is where I need the tissues. My favorite poet, Andrea Gibson, received some bad news earlier this summer about their cancer prognosis. Right after they broke the news, Glennon Doyle and Abby Wambach interviewed them about all the things. I would encourage you to listen to the whole thing, because every moment is gold, but the takeaway that I got from Andrea was this: we should be doing our time (no matter if that’s a lot of it or a little) with a wide-open heart. Another beautiful metaphor they shared was the scientific fact that butterflies who are plucked from their chrysalises too soon will often die, that they need the struggle to survive. They related this to their appreciation for all of life, even in facing their mortality. Damn, you can’t get deeper than that.

Have a day, my friends.