What I Learned | Summer 2019
Summer is nearly over and autumn is just around the bend. As we lean into a new season, it's the perfect time to reflect on the last few months and the lessons we've learned, both big and small. Once again, I'm joining Emily Freeman in sharing a few things I've learned this summer. Like most seasons, it's been one full of ups and downs as well as many opportunities to explore new ideas and stretch my mind a little further.
Here's what I learned this summer.
You don't have to share every detail of your life with others.
We definitely live in an era of oversharing. Many use social media as their personal therapist and cheering squad. They air their dirty laundry for all to see and don't seem to have any shame in doing so. I certainly am not free from blame. I've turned to Facebook to gripe about something before and I'll admit, it feels good to get likes and comments affirming my feelings. This year, I started taking some notes when one of my mentors was interviewed for a media outlet. She is so full of wisdom and in one particular conversation, she shared a novel idea. She said that the internet only knows what she allows them to, that she has clear boundaries about what she is willing to share with the public and what she keeps for herself.
Hello, lightbulb! So often, I've associated being a writer with spilling my guts for all who read my work, but that doesn't have to be the case at all. I am allowed to keep some things just for myself. My own little secrets that no one needs to know.
ESPN hosts a full day of crazy sporting events and it's hilarious.
In early August, I was flipping through channels and stumbled on something that hooked me and held my attention all day long. One day a year, ESPN airs The Ocho, a full day of crazy sporting events, such as lumberjack championships, lawnmower racing, and pizza team trials. Yep, that's where they compete by tossing pizza dough in the air. My favorite event was the Classic Tetris World Championship. It was a television gold mine and I already have next year's marathon marked on my calendar.
I might enjoy photography after all.
After having my old Nikon camera packed away for far too long, I decided to pull it out and re-familiarizing myself with the settings and functions. I hadn't used the camera professionally in about seven years and noticed that every month the dust continued to collect on it, so did my anxiety that I'd forgotten how to use it. For the last few weeks, I've taken it out on hikes around the mountain and found so many wonderful subjects for photographs. I had such a passion for photography and was worried that I'd lost it in recent years, but I'm glad to find that I do still love being behind the lens.
There is no try. Do or do not.
Yoda was on to something when he spoke these words. I think the phrase "I'll try" has long been used as a safety net for those times when we want to cover our asses in case we fail at something, but it also lays down padding for when we don't really want to take the steps to change our behavior. I realized this after looking back over some of the goals that I'd made in previous seasons. I was setting myself up for failure in the way I was wording those goals. By saying I was going to try to eat better or exercise more, I was building in a buffer so that I didn't really have to do those things. This season, I've approached my goals from a different angle. I either do them or I don't. I feel a lot better when I take ownership of my actions rather than making excuses for my inaction.
When people are afraid, they return to what they know.
There was a common thread in a lot of the literature I read this season, and that was that when people are afraid or hurting, they go back to what they know. In my reading, this manifested itself in the form of a man who was dealing with emotional trauma reverting to the ways of the violently abusive father of his childhood; or a young girl who, after years of therapy, fills her head with negative thoughts when her identity is threatened. It's like those habits and tendencies that we learn in our early years bring a sense of home to us, even if they aren't always positive experiences. As I was making this connection in the books and essays I was reading, I was able to find examples in my own life that I've done this. It's a deep topic and I'll probably spend a long time unpacking it in my head, but it's something that I keep thinking about, long after the books have been returned to the shelf.
TMJ exercises are lifesavers.
It was a rough season for my TMJ. I've had a lot of plates in the air and have been very stressed. One of the places I tend to hold that stress is in my jaw, and because of other health issues, this type of pain, unchecked, can turn into much bigger problems for me. I've been doing my jaw and neck exercises every day, from the moment I first felt a twinge of discomfort, even when I've not had the pain, and I think I'm retraining the muscles in those areas to relax. These are definitely the best eight exercises for anyone who naturally holds tension in their jaw and neck when stressed.
Be true to yourself, no matter what.
This season, I've been pushing back against one of the traits of my Enneagram one personality. A perfectionist at heart, I've always bent myself backward trying to please everyone else. I'd go out of my way to ensure that I didn't disturb the placid water around me and would end up neglecting my own needs in the process. Over the last couple of years, I've been studying the many different personality brackets I fit into and how traits from each apply to my life. One thing I've learned about myself is that the people-pleaser side of me constantly butts heads with the free-spiritedness of my sun sign, Sagittarius.
In the past, I've conformed and kept putting others' needs before my own, but this summer, I've been letting the other side win for a change. It's been refreshing to allow myself to put my hands up and say "not my problem" rather than taking on the burdens of someone else. All this to say, it's important to be true to yourself, no matter what. Some people will be offended that you're no longer shouldering their problems as your own, but you have to do what is best for you.
