Dear 2023 | A Letter of Reflection

“Love many things, for therein lies the true strength, and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is done well.” - Vincent van Gogh

Dear 2023,

It is time to write the last page of your book, reflecting on all that has happened and all that you’ve shown me before saying adieu. You have gone by in a blur, but I have had the opportunity to slow down and appreciate the blessings and lessons that have come along the way.

You were the year of finishing all my 2023 to-be-read books before the clock chimed in a new year, something I have never done before and am proud of. I’ve always had a small stack left in January, pushing the start of the new books until after the old ones have been reshelved. What a lovely feeling to start fresh on the first of the month!

You were the year of getting bored with the scroll and spending more time away from social media. These platforms, created to stay connected with friends and family, are now an endless cycle of sales pitches, gimmicky health hacks, and political polarization and all of it is exhausting. I fell out of love with Twitter years ago and finally decided to click the “sign out” button one final time, leaving the platform and the rubbish it contained behind.

You were the year I thought a lot about grief and loss, a topic I wrote about in February, as well as a year of learning that love isn’t always a positive feeling. I was touched by the words of Andrew Knapp in the shadow of a personal loss he had experienced. It boiled down to the fact that true, unconditional love often comes partnered with emotions like anger, sadness, and fear. As someone who is in the deepest, most consuming love I have ever encountered, I know this to be true, but to experience these negative emotions is an honor. They are adding shading to the vibrant and beautiful painting my partner and I are creating of our lives.

You were the year of loneliness, hard conversations, and remembering to stop being a supporting character in someone else’s story and instead, taking the lead in my own. Relationships are messy, even platonic ones, and a truth I have learned is that people do not owe you anything, not even an apology.

You were the year of listening to my body when it told me to rest, after so many years of trying. I have fought the constraints of chronic illness since long before the diagnosis, but this year, it won. I might have even lost the delicate balance I’ve created between work and rest, but this gave me the time to reassess and plan for how to work with my limitations in the coming year.

You were the year of embracing my creative chaos, of taking all that motivates me and literally sticking it to the walls I am surrounded by. My life has become one, big vision board and I am learning to find inspiration in all the little nooks and crannies of life.

You were the year of stepping away from a program I loved because of my mental health. I was on the planning committee for the Women’s Mental Health Conference at Yale University in ‘22-23 and was serving as marketing chairperson this year when I had to bow out because the weight of my personal life became too great. In the past, I have hesitated to make long-term commitments of this nature because of my mental health, because I have had month-long episodes of depression and crushing panic attacks that have kept me from fulfilling my obligations. So, when the stress of everything caused cracks in my dam, I knew I could not give enough of myself to the committee. I love that group and the work they are doing, and it was a hard decision, but it was the right one.

You were the year of experiencing creative magic in my favorite Broadway show, The Lion King, having the opportunity to see my number one musician, Ray LaMontagne, in concert, and enjoying the phenomenal orchestra holiday production, Mannheim Steamroller, over 20 years after being introduced to them by my grandparents. I never thought I would get to do any of them, but my beloved made them happen, and I am more grateful than he will ever know.

You were the year of fun holiday traditions like picking and carving pumpkins and decorating Christmas cookies, all in the name of giving my partner, who has never gotten to do any of them, the joy of the experience. Seeing his face as he set adulthood aside and be a kid again was priceless and made me fall deeper in love with him.

You were one hell of a year, 2023, with some scary moments and some sad, but there were so many happy memories that tipped the scale into making you a good one. Time to go now.

All the best,

Lecy